Hey Cucumber Guy: An Open Letter You, Cucumber Guy. Yes, you. The one in the restaurant kitchen adding the cucumbers to the salads. You did it again. You served me an otherwise well-crafted salad with cucumber slices like hockey pucks. What am I supposed to do with these? Weight down important papers? Make cucumber water? Treat…… Continue reading An Open Letter: Hey, Cucumber Guy
Tag: Humor
Behind: “The Carcassonne Dream”
It is winter. Christmas Eve 2011, and Writer Guy rides the train to Arles. Second class. The South of France trundles by outside, salt flats and olive trees, the mountainside and harbor towns of the Mediterranean coast. I sip my Coca-Cola Lite and return to my laptop. For in France the writing flows, as fast as the sweeping…… Continue reading Behind: “The Carcassonne Dream”
Mark Antony, Two Hours Before His Big Speech
Murrayus, you have the revisions?…Finally. Two hours, and I’m up to my toga pleats in angry rabble, and that last draft you brought me was excrement. ‘You get drachmas, and you get drachmas, and you get drachmas!’ What was that? I’m not looking like a fool in front of the plebes. I just heard Brutus…… Continue reading Mark Antony, Two Hours Before His Big Speech
An Open Letter to the Big Time Reality TV Producer Who Thinks All Jobs in Alaska Are Cool
Dear Big Time Reality TV Producer Convinced All Occupations in Alaska Are Cool, I see it like I’m right there with you. I see you sitting at your desk, a mounted moose head behind you, a big map of Alaska on the opposite wall, and your people shuffle in, all averted eyes and hang-dog expressions, one…… Continue reading An Open Letter to the Big Time Reality TV Producer Who Thinks All Jobs in Alaska Are Cool