{"id":978,"date":"2017-05-09T03:26:32","date_gmt":"2017-05-09T03:26:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=978"},"modified":"2017-05-09T03:26:32","modified_gmt":"2017-05-09T03:26:32","slug":"one-half-of-an-awkward-conversation-table-for-mr-sinatra","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=978","title":{"rendered":"One Half of an Awkward Conversation: Table for Mr. Sinatra"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Good evening, sir.\u00a0A big ring-a-ding-ding to you, too. And mademoiselle! Welcome to Toots Shor\u2019s. Yes, quite a swinging clam-bake tonight. I hear it always is.<\/span><\/p>\n

Table for two? I see. We’ve nothing just now. Perhaps for quite some time. <\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, I’m sure you are ready to wet your whistles. Unfortunately, as you say, the clams are really baking, aren’t they? What name shall I put your party under?<\/span><\/p>\n

Could you spell that for me? S-I-N-A-P-R-A. Mr. Sinapra, if I could just get you to step aside–<\/span><\/p>\n

Oh, Sina-TRA, is it? I beg your pardon. As you can see, Mr. Sinatra, we\u2019re rather busy at the moment. Friday night, all of Midtown swinging. So have a seat, and I\u2019ll call you when\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n

Seated now? I\u2019m terribly sorry, sir. It’s quite impossible.\u00a0These good people ahead of you have been waiting–<\/span><\/p>\n

My name is Eugene, not Charlie. And I assure you Mr. Shor isn’t taking anyone on the express train to Prankstown. Mr. Shor really is quite the card, but no, he’s had a minor procedure done this afternoon. Last I heard he has more dope in him than a jazz club act.<\/span><\/p>\n

No, I\u2019m not a wise apple. No, not a\u00a0square either.\u00a0Trust me, if you\u2019d been around musicians like I have, well, you\u2019d understand. I have your name down, Mr. Sinatra. <\/span>One moment, sir.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ah, good evening, Ms. Garland. Our warmest welcome to Toots Shor\u2019s. You\u2019re resplendent tonight. And if you don\u2019t mind my saying so, you were a triumph in \u201cA Star Is Born.\u201d How Grace Kelly won the Oscar–Yes. I see. My apologies for bringing it up. The champagne is of course on us tonight. Giancarlo, please show Ms. Garland to her table. <\/span><\/p>\n

Can you believe it, Mr. Sinatra? The<\/span><\/em> Judy Garland! Listen to me gushing, will you? Where were we?<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m an 18-karat Harvey? <\/span>Bombsville? Sir, I’m not at all certain what\u00a0that means, but I can imagine, and\u00a0there\u2019s no call for crude talk. To be honest, since it seems I have to inform you, you’re making matters difficult. You see, Mr. Shor frowns on\u00a0any of\u00a0the spousal set\u00a0in\u00a0the saloon.\u00a0Our patrons value a certain level of discretion. He couldn\u2019t have stressed that enough. I have to believe that surely\u00a0also applies\u00a0to your daughter here.<\/span><\/p>\n

No, I don\u2019t think your daughter is a chorus girl. She\u2019s lovely.<\/span><\/p>\n

Oh, she\u2019s a chorus girl, not your daughter.<\/span><\/p>\n

No, sir.\u00a0I would never\u00a0imply you can\u2019t make better hey-hey than with\u00a0dames from the chorus.<\/span><\/p>\n

No, mademoiselle, I assure you I would never insult your job. Doubtless you\u2019re as talented as you are beautiful.<\/span><\/p>\n

No, Mr. Sinatra, I\u2019m not putting the moves on your date. <\/span>Yes, I am\u00a0new here. Thanks for asking. Just\u00a0this week Mr. Shor stole me\u00a0away\u00a0from the Little Club. Here I am. My first night, and I luck into front of house. The Big Podium. I don\u2019t mind telling you, it is as sweet as advertised.<\/span><\/p>\n

No, I don’t remember you from the Little Club, either. But then, not everyone can get in there, can they? Please, I really must see to this gentleman here.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mr. DiMaggio, I can\u2019t believe I\u2019m shaking the Yankee Clipper\u2019s hand. Might I\u2026might I trouble you for an autograph? It’s for my father. Addressed to Eugene is wonderful. You have no idea how over the moon he\u2019ll be. Your table is ready whenever you are. Giancarlo, please see Mr. DiMaggio back.<\/span><\/p>\n

Can you believe it, Mr. Sinatra? I just\u00a0greeted Joltin\u2019 Joe himself. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sir, I’ll ask\u00a0you to\u00a0calm down. I am not a nowhere punk, and name-calling doesn\u2019t open up tables any faster, does it? <\/span>Please, enough with the rocket rides to Busted Lipsburg. Mr. Shor left me\u00a0tonight\u2019s V.I.P. list right here, and I assure you there\u2019s no Francis Albert Sinatra on it. You don\u2019t see these other fine people carrying on, do you?<\/span><\/p>\n

Mr. Gleason! How are you? Yes, I did bartend at the Little Club! I\u2019m flattered you\u2019d remember something like that. Oh, and I see you also know Mr. Sinatra. How delightful. Mr. Gleason, your table is ready. Rest assured Mr. Shor demands we tear up your bill as usual. Yes, a-waaaay you go. Such the wit.<\/span><\/p>\n

There goes a show business legend, Mr. Sinatra. If you don\u2019t mind my asking, how do you know Mr. Gleason?<\/span><\/p>\n

You\u2019ve appeared on his program? How lucky for you. <\/span>Oh, you’re\u00a0a singer? New York isn\u2019t running out of those, are we? Perhaps you could treat\u00a0Mr. Gleason to\u00a0a few bars of \u201cMelancholy Serenade.\u201d It\u2019s his signature tune. You know it? Excellent.<\/span><\/p>\n

He\u2019s appeared on your show as well? Hard to imagine Mr. Gleason doing off-Broadway. Well, have a seat, and we\u2019ll call you as soon as we can. I really must see to Justice Warren.<\/span><\/p>\n

END<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Good evening, sir.\u00a0A big ring-a-ding-ding to you, too. And mademoiselle! Welcome to Toots Shor\u2019s. Yes, quite a swinging clam-bake tonight. I hear it always is. Table for two? I see. We’ve nothing just now. Perhaps for quite some time. Yes, I’m sure you are ready to wet your whistles. Unfortunately, as you say, the clams… Continue reading One Half of an Awkward Conversation: Table for Mr. Sinatra<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[94,32,72,122],"class_list":["post-978","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-humor","tag-one-half-of-an-awkward-conversation","tag-sinatra","tag-toots-shor","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3CG0W-fM","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":52,"url":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=52","url_meta":{"origin":978,"position":0},"title":"Mark Antony, Two Hours Before His Big Speech","author":"rtmcontrol","date":"October 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Murrayus, you have the revisions?\u2026Finally. Two hours, and I\u2019m up to my toga pleats in angry rabble, and that last draft you brought me was excrement. \u2018You get drachmas, and you get drachmas, and you get drachmas!\u2019 What was that? I\u2019m not looking like a fool in front of the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?cat=8"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":548,"url":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=548","url_meta":{"origin":978,"position":1},"title":"Sweet Roam, Alabama","author":"rtmcontrol","date":"February 10, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 They had me at \u201crolling tailgate party.\u201d There it was in plain print in the invite. Please join us down here in Alabama, the organizers said,\u00a0and don\u2019t worry about Friday night icebreakers because Margaret\u2019s rolling tailgate party had things covered. Yes, I admit envisioning some mechanical lovechild of liquor\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Appearances"","block_context":{"text":"Appearances","link":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?cat=78"},"img":{"alt_text":"14354_10203319762303666_380448132010716361_n","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/robertmangeot.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/14354_10203319762303666_380448132010716361_n-300x178.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":755,"url":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=755","url_meta":{"origin":978,"position":2},"title":"Humor: In Which Vernon Stagg Self-Lawyers Up","author":"rtmcontrol","date":"March 28, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"March 24, 2016 By Certified Mail \u00a0 Mr. Robert Mangeot, Author of Shameless and Baseless Works of Fiction Dear Mr. Mangeot: The venerated and venerable law firm Vernon Stagg and Associates represents the selfsame Vernon Stagg, Esq., a noted figure of legal and civic stature in the greater metropolitan Nashville\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Crime, Mystery & Suspense"","block_context":{"text":"Crime, Mystery & Suspense","link":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?cat=10"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":90,"url":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=90","url_meta":{"origin":978,"position":3},"title":"An Open Letter: Hey, Cucumber Guy","author":"rtmcontrol","date":"October 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Hey Cucumber Guy: An Open Letter You, Cucumber Guy. Yes, you. The one in the restaurant kitchen adding the cucumbers to the salads. You did it again. You\u00a0served me an otherwise well-crafted salad with cucumber slices like hockey pucks. What am I supposed to do with these? Weight down important\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?cat=8"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38,"url":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=38","url_meta":{"origin":978,"position":4},"title":"Satire: “He Writes in the Present Tense”","author":"rtmcontrol","date":"October 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Bob's note: The old woman here is, in my head\u00a0anyway, a prototype for the old man in \"The Carcassonne Dream.\"\u00a0Oh, and the tortured subject-verb relationships...well, that kind of the point. Today fiction chooses him. Among the crowd circling the bookstore caf\u00e9, he is fastest to claim the open table. He\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?cat=8"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2545,"url":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=2545","url_meta":{"origin":978,"position":5},"title":"2023, A Funny Sort of Year","author":"rtmcontrol","date":"December 27, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"We all beat our drums about what's important to us. Humor is important to me, in life and in writing. Not surprisingly then, a drum I beat when talking writing is the serious business of humor. 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