March 24, 2016<\/p>\n
By Certified Mail<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Mr. Robert Mangeot, Author of Shameless and Baseless Works of Fiction<\/p>\n
Dear Mr. Mangeot:<\/p>\n
The venerated and venerable law firm Vernon Stagg and Associates represents the selfsame Vernon Stagg, Esq., a noted figure of legal and civic stature in the greater metropolitan Nashville area. We mean none other than the capitol of the great state of\u00a0Tennessee. Music City.<\/p>\n
As you must surely know, having authored such a mistaken and misguided mischaracterization as \u201cThe Cumberland Package,\u201d published in the May 2016 edition of\u00a0Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine<\/em>, you present to Nashville\u2019s reading and voting public a grievously and grotesquely false depiction of Vernon Stagg. For the legal record and for all other records of important nature, now and in perpetuity, in his representation of Mr. Chit “Big Kick” Bowling,\u00a0Vernon Stagg at no time and in no way engaged in any of the following: conspiracy to commit murder; bribery and fraudulent practices concerning the Tri-Star Bison Show and Sale; inappropriate promiscuous and\/or intimate behaviors; unethical billing practices and breaches of client confidentiality; and\u00a0habitual listening to\u00a0Artie Shaw\u2019s music. While Vernon Stagg does enjoy a fine swing orchestra, he has no love for the tuneless timbre of a clarinet. This is well-known to his friends and associates and to entire sub-portions of the Nashville\u00a0community at large. That the Tennessee Bar Association (\u201cThe Bar\u201d) may have pursued similar such outrageous claims against Vernon Stagg is both\u00a0inconsequent and irrelevant. The Bar\u2019s long and lamentable smear campaign against Vernon Stagg is well-documented and understood for the petty display that it is. Vernon Stagg\u2019s good name remains unbesmirched. Given said unbesmirchitude, any portrayal to the contrary represents an assassination of Vernon Stagg\u2019s considerable character and his\u00a0income,\u00a0electoral and romantic\u00a0prospects.<\/p>\n And yet your pernicious portrayal assassinates Vernon Stagg in just such a manner. Humbles, humbugs and humiliates. This, to a legal crusader whose sole purpose in representing the aged and landed Mr.\u00a0Bowling was to ease the\u00a0poor gentleman’s mind concerning his estate disposition and business affairs and in furthering the award-winning renown of\u00a0Mr. Bowling’s\u00a0livestock. This, to a learned and judicial-appointment-worthy legal mind with no pending charges against him in the Bowling matter or other matters, save for those filed by the Bar.<\/p>\n Sir, on multiple occasions you portray Vernon Stagg in private and personal situations with his client\u2019s wife, Mrs. Felisha Bowling. This is the height of impugnatious\u00a0irresponsibility. With a client of Mr. Bowling\u2019s vast holdings and ailing condition, it is natural for counsel to confer regularly and repeatedly with the spouse when of sounder mind and body. It is not unknown for these meetings to take place at certain of the downtown business district\u2019s finer hotels. Indeed, so laughably lacking is your assertion of infidelity, and so redoubted is Vernon Stagg\u2019s reputation, that any reader or law enforcement officer of good faith would find simply no need or cause, none at all, to review hotel security camera footage on said dates and times. Shame on you, sir. Shame on you.<\/p>\n The immense irony of what truly and tragically transpired in the Bowling matter is that Vernon Stagg himself is the aggrieved and injured party. Vernon Stagg was threatened with the blackest of blackmails and with serious\u00a0harm to his person and to the winning Vernon Stagg smile that is and shall forever be essential to his crusading livelihood. Your deceptive and dilatory depiction to the contrary\u00a0only inflicts insult upon his injury.<\/p>\n Vernon Stagg, for example, is no longer met with the same welcome at Claudio\u2019s on Commerce, known to the Nashville legal\u00a0profession and to age-appropriate potential companionship as the crown jewel of downtown cocktail establishments. Regrettably he may soon be forced to take his\u00a0after-hours networking elsewhere, such as closer to the Broadway honky-tonks and their itinerant tourist traffic. The gins and tonics at such places shall inevitably contain both suspect gin and equally suspect tonic. Your “The Cumberland Package” casually and carelessly creates such very\u00a0damage upon Vernon Stagg.<\/p>\n Sir, if you do not redress your reckless and reprobate work, Vernon Stagg resolves to remonstrate and respond, i.e. as in reparation, recompensation, restitution and reconstitution. Specific damages Vernon Stagg has already endured due to your fictional farce include:<\/p>\n Vernon Stagg\u2019s extensive and exhaustive list of damages experienced is expounded upon as Exhibit A.<\/p>\n To recap and reiterate the harm you have heaped upon Vernon Stagg: calamitous complaints of conspiracy; intimations and indications of intrigue, infidelity, and inappropriate dealings concerning Mr. Bowling, Mrs. Bowling,\u00a0and his celebrated herd of bison; loss of professional standing and personal companionship; uncertain political advancement; detriment to both gin and tonic; and perception of\u00a0customary consumption of\u00a0clarinet-based cacophony. In total, your \u201cThe Cumberland Package\u201d holds Vernon Stagg up to derision, disparagement, disdain, discord, disgrace, dilution of beverage and any and all possible negative culminations and conclusions drawn from your wanton warping of potentially non-factual facts.<\/p>\n Mr. Mangeot, our firm is adept and authoritative in assisting those so esteemed as Vernon Stagg in their pursuit of\u00a0justice.\u00a0In such pursuit we have filed many claims of injury on behalf of many clients, and certain of those claims have not been dismissed. We have the vastest of vast reaches. An apparatus. If you wish to avoid the above damages and the shame that\u00a0proceedings will surely wreak upon you, we demand that you immediately and at once clarify and correct your fictional flimflam\u00a0whether or not\u00a0corrections are supported\u00a0by factual fact.<\/p>\n Given the gravity of your conduct, we recommend that you consult with proficient and professional legal representation. Vernon Stagg and Associates charges quite reasonable fees (on\u00a0fixed, hourly and\/or contingent basis) considering our wide-ranging expertise, and we are available for consult twenty-four\/seven other than when called to court or happy hour drink specials.<\/p>\n Very truly though badly injuredly yours,<\/p>\n Vernon Stagg, Esq.<\/p>\n Sole and Managing Partner<\/p>\n Vernon Stagg and Associates<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\n