{"id":52,"date":"2013-10-08T01:29:50","date_gmt":"2013-10-08T01:29:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=52"},"modified":"2018-06-16T17:11:52","modified_gmt":"2018-06-16T17:11:52","slug":"humor-mark-antony-two-hours-big-speech","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=52","title":{"rendered":"Mark Antony, Two Hours Before His Big Speech"},"content":{"rendered":"

Murrayus, you have the revisions?\u2026Finally. Two hours, and I\u2019m up to my toga pleats in angry rabble, and that last draft you brought me was excrement. \u2018You get drachmas, and you get drachmas, and you get drachmas!\u2019<\/em> What was that? I\u2019m not looking like a fool in front of the plebes. I just heard Brutus rehearse, and he\u2019s going to kill out there. Stop laughing. I mean he\u2019s good. He starts in with how much he loved Caesar, loved the hell out of that man. When that bastard has the crowd all lovey, he gives them the twist that he loved a free Rome more. And you, you have me spewing drachmas.<\/p>\n

Yes, I have Caesar\u2019s bequest in my back pocket. That\u2019s my tease. If I open straight with drachmas, that\u2019s all the plebes are going to hear. My whole speech will be fielding questions about method of payment.<\/p>\n

Right. Let\u2019s run through it. \u2018Romans, huddle up everybody. We need to talk.\u2019<\/em> What in Hades? This is your better opening?…What\u2019s wrong with it? It\u2019s wooden. Give me sing-songy, a rhythm to catch their ears. You know, da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM. I\u2019m not the poet here, dimwit. I\u2019m a damned general, and I\u2019m on in two damned hours.<\/p>\n

From the top. \u2018Huddle up, Romans. We need to talk. Forget Caesar. He was a canker-blossom.\u2019<\/em> I cut this two drafts ago. How did canker-blossom get back in here?…I don\u2019t care if it\u2019s vivid. Do you think my insulting the martyr we want all Rome behind around helps our cause? You think the plebes leap behind a canker-blossom? You must, because here\u2019s canker-blossom back in the speech.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s keep going. \u2018Let Caesar be buried. Let my words cut him from our hearts. Let my words be the dagger thrust against Caesar\u2019s memory, the dagger thrust against his ambition, the dagger thrust\u2013\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

Gods, what\u2019s wrong with you? You have me stabbing Caesar over and over with a dagger metaphor. It goes on and on, me stabbing and stabbing Caesar\u2019s memory…Yes, it\u2019s anaphora. I\u2019ve studied rhetoric. You don\u2019t believe the dagger metaphor might associate me with those who did the actual stabbing? Say, like Brutus?<\/p>\n

This is rubbish. Complete rubbish. I\u2019ll just scan the rest. Hmm hmm hmm. Oh, now you have me calling Brutus a son of whore…It\u2019s edgy? Look, I told you I wanted high oratory. Subtle. Things are a bit strained around the Capitol as you might imagine, what with all the damned regicide. Perhaps you would like me stabbed as well. Is that it?…I\u2019m beginning to think you do.<\/p>\n

New plan…No, canker-blossom is dead, understood? Dead. I\u2019m on after Brutus, so we turn the tables on him. We undercut his premise that Caesar had to be killed for the good of Rome. So why does Brutus claim Caesar had to go?…You forgot? You have it in this draft. Unchecked ambition. Bring me something that proves Caesar bore no such ambition\u2026Like what? I really have to do all the speechwriting here?<\/p>\n

Remember that night on the Lupercal?…Yes, it was quite a party. My point is, if Caesar wanted to be king, he could have taken the crown then and there. Drunk as we were, Jupiter knows we tried to crown him, but he turned us down three times. Three. Work that in. What else on ambition?…Yes, that he turned over his conquest tribute to our general coffers. More of that. Make it drip with that.<\/p>\n

Next we take Brutus down a notch. That prig never loved Rome as half as much as Caesar did…I\u2019m absolutely not calling Brutus a son of a whore…Because it\u2019s a little direct. We have to use his words against him, make it seem like I\u2019m praising him when really I\u2019m giving him the business…I know it\u2019s a good idea. It\u2019s the same idea I gave you an hour ago. Right, so Brutus says he loved Caesar. Give me something like \u2018Then I guess he loved Caesar to death\u2019…You can\u2019t just use that. I\u2019m spit-balling. Make it poetic, memorable…Fine. You can work in a dagger reference. One.<\/p>\n

What else is Brutus known for?\u2026Other than stabbing Caesar…His honor? Yes, he thinks he\u2019s as sacred as the Sky Father, doesn\u2019t he? Play that up. We parade for the plebes his many lapses in honor, then repeat of course no one in Rome could ever be more honorable than Saint Brutus. Set it up where I appeal to the crowd in sort of a building rhythm, snap snap snap with the same closing shot at Brutus…You don\u2019t know how? It\u2019s epistrophe, the exact opposite of anaphora. You knew what that was.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re out of time. Throw in the dirt, then blast them with wounded patriotism. I want Plebius Twowineskins convinced Brutus betrayed not only Caesar but Rome.<\/p>\n

Props. What can we do with props?…No, I\u2019m not wearing Caesar\u2019s mantle…Because it\u2019s completely soaked in his blood. Even if it wasn\u2019t, could it be that Brutus takes my donning Caesar\u2019s own mantle as something like, I don\u2019t know, a challenge?…Put the mantle on Caesar and carry him in? That is surprisingly genius. Do we even know where the body is?…I\u2019ll track it down.<\/p>\n

You, you\u2019re back here in thirty minutes with something I can actually read. Da-DUM da-DUM, remember. Rhythm and poetic build. Bring me canker-blossom, and you taste my whip.<\/p>\n

If it doesn\u2019t work? We run with the drachmas.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Murrayus, you have the revisions?\u2026Finally. Two hours, and I\u2019m up to my toga pleats in angry rabble, and that last draft you brought me was excrement. \u2018You get drachmas, and you get drachmas, and you get drachmas!\u2019 What was that? I\u2019m not looking like a fool in front of the plebes. I just heard Brutus… Continue reading Mark Antony, Two Hours Before His Big Speech<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8],"tags":[31,94,34,32,33],"class_list":["post-52","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-anglophilia","tag-humor","tag-julius-caesar","tag-one-half-of-an-awkward-conversation","tag-shakespeare","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3CG0W-Q","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2483,"url":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=2483","url_meta":{"origin":52,"position":0},"title":"Bringing the Romance Back","author":"rtmcontrol","date":"August 12, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Back in June, a friend did me one heck of a solid. 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