{"id":439,"date":"2014-09-20T02:19:05","date_gmt":"2014-09-20T02:19:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=439"},"modified":"2014-09-20T02:19:05","modified_gmt":"2014-09-20T02:19:05","slug":"open-letter-capn-crunch-regarding-current-state-crunchberry-handling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=439","title":{"rendered":"An Open Letter to Cap’n Crunch Regarding the Current State of Crunchberry Handling"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dearest Captain Crunch,<\/p>\n

Oops?<\/p>\n

There you are, the famed naval commander, successful merchant and beloved naturalist, the brave explorer, pictured on cereal box after cereal box on our shelves, your eyes bulging with glee, silver fox mustache sparkling, hand extended out in pride toward a label declaring \u201cOops! All Berries!\u201d To repeat, here is yet another serious crunchberry overfill situation, and again all you and your trading company can say about your latest disaster is \u201cOops.\u201d<\/p>\n

Some fifty years ago, you sailed the famed S.S. Guppy<\/em> through pirate-infested channels and great heaving oceans, then onto the ill-drawn corners of the globe where there be dragons. You pressed your crew onward, always onward, until the day you sighted a remote island not on any map or chart. Troops of shock-topped\u00a0bipeds jittered across the beaches, boop boop booping<\/a> as they snatched fat berries off golden trees. What did you say then, sighting down this new spectacle in your telescope? Oops?<\/p>\n

\u201cLand, ho!\u201d you must have called out. \u201cPrepare the captain\u2019s launch, lads!\u201d<\/p>\n

Out of sheer will you discovered new orders of both exotic berry and mammalia. Under your steady hand your trading company flourished and your scientists painstakingly honed in on the perfect\u00a0crunchberry ratio. And there the mix stayed. For decades, without incident. Does this sound like the life\u2019s work of an oops-prone leader? It does not.<\/p>\n

Captain, this is no one-off mistake. Like scurvy the blunders have grown and festered over time. In 1997 the first unsuspecting crunchberry lovers were horrified <\/a>to discover Oops! All Berries where that timeless blend should have waited. \u201cHow could this happen?\u201d we asked each other. \u201cAll <\/em>berries?\u201d We assured ourselves that \u00a0it was some glitch, that the box was marked Limited Edition. \u201cSee, the Captain is on it,\u201d we said. \u201cProblem soon to be solved.\u201d<\/p>\n

The years passed, and the Great Oops! became a distant prospect easily laughed off. \u201cRemember when?\u201d we would kid, a whiff of Davy Jones\u2019 Locker to our humor. Somehow\u00a0it\u00a0only added to your legend– Captain Horatio Crunch, tested and true, capable of a grand mistake but a grander save. Then one black day in 2008, another delivery of\u00a0All Berries dashed our breakfasts on the rocks of \u201cOops.\u201d Some of us turned away then , appalled. \u201cLook,\u201d they would say, grabbing up a box and stabbing their fingers on your name printed there so boldly. \u201cCap\u2019n? He can\u2019t even be bothered to spell out his rank.\u201d The rest of us have ridden out\u00a0an annual disaster ever since, like a Nor\u2019easter or red algae tide.<\/p>\n

Oops?<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s unpack the chain of fail points involved here.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. A cereal mix engineer forgets to turn on the Cap\u2019n Crunch conveyor belt. An unrelenting stream of pure crunchberries cascades toward the packaging line.<\/li>\n
  2. His foreman, co-workers and the quality control guy do nothing to warn of the rising berry tide.<\/li>\n
  3. In what must be total disregard for plant procedures, the packaging guys unquestioningly watch the crunchberry torrent get sealed up in boxes by the gross. Boxes somehow pre-marked with \u201cOops!\u201d<\/li>\n
  4. The boxes are neatly arranged into cartons inexplicably also labeled \u201cOops!\u201d<\/li>\n
  5. The distributor stops not one truck loaded down with cargo and shipping advices labeled \u201cOops!\u201d<\/li>\n
  6. Neighborhood grocers everywhere accept delivery and have their crew unpack and shelve the boxes clearly marked with \u201cOops!\u201d<\/li>\n
  7. Later the pricing guy–bafflingly, a specific price point has been pre-set–prints out a label marked \u201cOops!\u201d Seriously, he takes the time to make sure the Oops! label aligns with the product display.<\/li>\n
  8. Coupons are generated. Store advertising is printed. Both read \u201cOops!\u201d<\/li>\n
  9. We consumers, seeking some kind of sanity, visit your website.\u00a0Your page dedicated to \u201cOops! All Berries\u201d offers\u00a0no\u00a0explanation, let alone an apology.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Looking\u00a0at it this way\u00a0almost shows a conspiracy of silence at work. The rumors abound: that riches and booty have gone to the Captain\u2019s head, that he\u2019s hiding a dire shortage of sweetened corn, that the unthinkable has occurred–Captain Crunch is no longer in command. Yes, one is almost tempted to listen.<\/p>\n

    Almost because we your loyal crew still believe. If Captain Horatio Crunch says \u201cOops,\u201d then we take your word as a naval man. Surely you will finally, at long last, right your course. Understand, Captain, that we only wish the madness to end. Put the proper berry-to-cereal checks in place. Be the Horatio Crunch who sailed to lost worlds and back. That Captain Crunch would have keel-hauled any\u00a0wretch who threatened the safety of the ship. That Captain would have secured his precious crunchberries against any rough sea and lashed himself to the rudder, madly driving the Guppy<\/em> ever onward, ever onward, toward the star-filled sky beyond the storm.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Dearest Captain Crunch, Oops? There you are, the famed naval commander, successful merchant and beloved naturalist, the brave explorer, pictured on cereal box after cereal box on our shelves, your eyes bulging with glee, silver fox mustache sparkling, hand extended out in pride toward a label declaring \u201cOops! All Berries!\u201d To repeat, here is yet… Continue reading An Open Letter to Cap’n Crunch Regarding the Current State of Crunchberry Handling<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8,24],"tags":[73,94,96],"class_list":["post-439","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-open-letters","tag-capn-crunch","tag-humor","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3CG0W-75","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":90,"url":"https:\/\/robertmangeot.com\/?p=90","url_meta":{"origin":439,"position":0},"title":"An Open Letter: Hey, Cucumber Guy","author":"rtmcontrol","date":"October 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Hey Cucumber Guy: An Open Letter You, Cucumber Guy. 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